By OLUSEGUN OGOLO
I had a chat (a very long chat) with a female friend of mine this afternoon;well the long and short of it all is that in all disappointments and relationship failures,there are always lessons.You don’t have to make the mistakes others have already made before you learn.
A relationship that would eventually shipwreck usually has early warning signals.I am not an expert in rlationship issues, but I found a piece by Jill Knapp (Adjunct Professor in Psychology) in the Huffington Post and I thought I should share
By Jill Knapp.HUFFPOST.December 13,2012
To state the obvious, there are a lot of guys out there. Many of them are wonderful and will treat you well — and many just won’t. I have heard people say that there are signs right at the beginning of a relationship that can indicate whether or not it will last. Well, here are some of the signs I, or people I know, have seen and flat out ignored, only to have our hearts broken months (or even years) later. If you’re the romantic type or looking for something a little more serious these days, then this list is for you.
1. The one who didn’t celebrate your birthday with you.
Whether you had a small get-together at a bar with a few of your friends or you sat at home watching ’80s movies, the guy you’re dating should have been there. Unless you’re long-distance, you neglected to invite him or your boyfriend is out of town, there are very few excuses that will fly if this happens. If someone really likes you, he wouldn’t want you to celebrate a holiday without him. Whether it’s your birthday, an anniversary or Valentine’s Day, he should want to be there with you. It’s true that some people don’t make a big deal over holidays, but if you do, the guy in your life should try to make it extra special for you — not give you a case of the Molly Ringwald’s.
2. The one who says, “We can’t be together, right now.”
You’ve been there, I’ve been there, our grandmothers had probably been there. You meet a guy who seems amazing. You can’t believe how much the two of you have in common, how comfortable and natural it feels to be around this person. You probably never or hardly ever fight because it doesn’t feel like there’s something to argue about. After a while of dating, right around the time where you decide you could really see a future with this guy, he drops the bomb on you. He says something along the lines of, “I am still getting over my ex.” Or maybe he’s focusing on his job or education and he asks you to just be patient. Well, a few more months go by and you begin to feel like nothing more than a glorified booty call. Sure, you never fight, but it’s probably because he never opens up enough for you to see a side of him that would upset you. You get fed up and finally tell him it’s time the two of you went your separate ways, and he maturely understands. A month or two goes by, and out of the blue he’s calling asking you to hang out. The cycle begins again.
3. The one who is insanely jealous.
Scenari: You bought a new dress for your first girl’s night out in weeks, and suffice it to say, it shows more than a little décolletage. If your boyfriend’s first reaction is to politely ask you not to wear that dress, or maybe add a cardigan because it makes him feel uncomfortable, then that’s one thing. But if he yells and makes you feel bad about yourself for it, he’s probably not the one. Especially if he starts to call you names and accuses you of cheating. It’s important to know the difference between the two. While you can argue that no one should ever tell you what to do, if the guy in your life genuinely feels uncomfortable, you should at least take the time to hear him out. But if he’s ordering you around and makes you feel scared or threatened, it’s time to kick him to the curb.
4. The one who never takes you out on a real date.
It’s not about the money, you would be happy with a simple walk in the park. Anything to just breathe some fresh air! This is the guy who always invites you over to his place to “hang out.” The guy who doesn’t make an effort to come over to your place to see you or pick you up for a date or even takes you to the movies. Not even one he wants to see. The two of you spend all of your time at his place, and you start to deliberately save text messages from him just to prove to your friends that you didn’t make him up.
5.The one who’s significantly older than you and refuses to spend time with your friends or family, but has the same taste in music as you and would be a really great boyfriend is he’d just stop drinking, finish college and go on that job interview his Uncle set him up with six months ago.
I don’t think I need to explain this one.
6. The one who is a jerk to everyone, except you.
Okay, I should clarify. I feel this only applies if you have just started dating the person, not if you are already in a relationship. You know who I mean, right? He’s the guy you’ve just met who everybody tells you is bad news. The one who doesn’t seem to have any close friendships, has countless exes and is constantly putting people down. Everyone except you, that is.
This can make you feel special or even feel like you have a bond with the person, but in some cases the guy will drop you after he gets bored with the nice guy routine and find a new girl to prey on. Then you will end up joining the crew of people saying what a jerk he is.